You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
