i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
