I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
