She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
