Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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