Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
