He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
