In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
That accounts for only three of the penises
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
