the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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