brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
