Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
