Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Sext me about skeletons
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
