Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize