Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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