New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
