It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
