Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
