I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
