i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
