Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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