made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize