He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
