This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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