Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
