whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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