My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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