your thong is hanging out like whoa
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
