I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
