I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You're like the curious george of whores
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
