I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Randomize
