Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
