omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I need moral support for this bender
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
