Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
