Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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