She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
