accomplished twins. life is a go
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize