I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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