I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
thus making me awesome and them whores
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
me + whiskey = a bad person
He? As in you personified your dick?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
