this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize