Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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