were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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