So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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