I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
