made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
