I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
