dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
