he looks like a really good dad on facebook
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
