Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
you have to choose: penises or morals?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
