Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
