White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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