WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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