Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
