so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
