Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
