In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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