Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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