he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
