it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
