I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
