Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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