Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
