He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
