I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
