belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
