I must be too annoying 4 u.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
