Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
